Just another day

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ashleysnead:

Those moments that I find such joy in that you probably don’t think twice about. I wish you did.

What I’m about to write might not be the most positive thing and could bum a lot of you out so if you’re not in the mood for listening to me sound like a broken record then you probably shouldn’t read this.

Most of you might have noticed this, but if you haven’t then here it is. I’ve been going through depression for the past 5 or 6 months and I can honestly say that I’m not the person I was a year ago. 2012 has been probably the most confusing and difficult year in my life for me so far. Every day feels almost the same and the night times just mostly hurt and bum me out. The things I used to love don’t appeal to me as much as they used to and some of them I’m just seeing the worst of. I’m constantly reminded of the people I hate in this city that surround me on most days, and it never helps having those people around. I don’t feel successful with anything I do anymore, and I feel like there’s no point in trying anymore because I’m just gonna end up failing with it. The one good thing I felt like I had going for me within the past year has disappeared and it’s very unlikely that I’ll be getting it back. Today I finished my second year of community college, but instead of feeling accomplishment and success, I just feel regret and failure. This was a difficult and shitty semester for me and it’s left me unsure of my future and whether I’m even going to continue with a college education, and whether I’m going to give up on a goal that I’ve had for the past four years. Meanwhile, I feel like all my friends are moving ahead with their education and being successful in their lives as I’m still stuck in the same place I’ve been for the past two years. Hopefully this summer can give me time to think about what I’m going to do with the future and I can pick something that won’t let me down or I won’t fail at. I’m sorry if this bums anyone out but it’s something that I’ve felt I need to get off my chest. For all my friends that have been there and continue to be there for me in times like these, I honestly can’t thank you enough. You’re the only thing that’s keeping me going right now, and I’m very appreciative of that